Vanity Vigilante Pillows

'Been patting yourself on the back again?'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Well, Mr. 'I don't need any sunblock', what have you got to say for yourself now?'

Scarecrows guarding a field

You can relax now.

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

Nun confronts mugger.

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

Guns won't help

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

Toupee in a tin.

"What happened to what cat?"

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'

"Buy them - and never look back."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

A footballer is having an eye test.

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

The world's most successful beauty blogger...

"Not only do you look marvelous but all of you looks the same age."

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'