Vanity Vigilante Gifts

'Been patting yourself on the back again?'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Well, Mr. 'I don't need any sunblock', what have you got to say for yourself now?'

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

Scarecrows guarding a field

You can relax now.

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

How do I love me? Let me count the ways. Ok. You have 18,523 selfies.

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Nun confronts mugger.

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

Guns won't help

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

"What happened to what cat?"

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

Toupee in a tin.

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'

"Buy them - and never look back."

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

"I do wish they'd hurry up with that vaccine, so I can get back to worrying about dying of something else."

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

The world's most successful beauty blogger...

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

"Not only do you look marvelous but all of you looks the same age."

A footballer is having an eye test.

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'