Vintage Humor Buff Gifts

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

'Why do you wear a rug when you have such beautiful hardwood flooring underneath?'

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

Early on-line shopping

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

Nanki Poo

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Peter Cook

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

The Enemy

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

W.C. Fields

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

"Clark Gable, Gary Cooper, Cary Grant -- they're all gone. But Marcus is still here."

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"