Unhappily Married Gifts

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"That doesn't look like setting the table to me."

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"He just married me on the rebound."

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

"What does our sessions give you?"

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

'This rebate check isn't big enough for both of us.'

"Whoa, someone's been doing some gathering."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"Now, Harold, you know you're not supposed to hibernate angry."

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

Bachelor Cake

"He hasn't been much of a 'prince charming' since our wedding!"