Marriage Misadventures Gifts

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

"When you promised me a lift home...."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

Rubbish husband...

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

"Sorry. No refunds."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

The Adventures of Morton

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

'I hate these romance cruises.'

"Fidelity, Ellen, stifles creativity."

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

'Harold was a lot more attentive when our relationship was on the line.'

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"