Marriage Mishaps Lover Gifts

'... And when he said; 'Can anyone show just cause why these two shouldn't be married'. I half expected my husband to burst through the door!'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"It's not what you think."

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

Private Eye office: 'She went on a second honeymoon,but not with me!'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

Bride with a lasso.

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

"Harry! You?"

'The groom called to say he can't marry you today. He totally forgot he was in a pool tournament this weekend.'

'At least the mess I make is all in one place'

'His 'get up and go' usually surfaces once the pub's opened'

'Cards for those special occasions'.

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

'He may be 52 but he still swings-the lead mainly!'

Couples: 'This weekend, for a change, I'd like to flout convention.'

Zebra Crossing

'I know I said you should part your hair down the middle, but...'

"All in black! Who died?"

''To my dear Lorraine, could I ever forget you?'... er... but my name's Sally!'

"It's not for me, it's for my husband. I'm trying to find someone to run off with him."

Cow-print panties. Co-workers discuss a failed gift.