Marital Misadventurer Gifts

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Please use another building entirely

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

Cupid's Arrow Misses, and Dog Falls In Love with a Man's Leg.

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"This guy has no idea what he's doing."

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

Ship's anchor with drainplug.

'I can't let you catch me - you need the exercise more than you need sex!'

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

'They have TWO trees!'

'I hate these romance cruises.'

She's a little too friendly.

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'No, thanks. You'll never get me into one of those.'

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

"Harry! You?"

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

'Well, I heard he was a player.'

A hunter shoots what he thinks is a bird, but turns out to be a big 'm'.

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."

"I know pain, Jessica. I've had my ear pierced."

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."