Marital Misadventurer Pillows

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Please use another building entirely

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

"This guy has no idea what he's doing."

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

Ship's anchor with drainplug.

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

'They have TWO trees!'

'I hate these romance cruises.'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'I can't let you catch me - you need the exercise more than you need sex!'

She's a little too friendly.

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'No, thanks. You'll never get me into one of those.'

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

"Harry! You?"

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

A hunter shoots what he thinks is a bird, but turns out to be a big 'm'.

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."

'Erica, you're a cutie and I really like you, but your way to do French kissing makes me nervous!'

"Sure, I can tattoo her name there...man, you must really hate your ex-wife!"

"I know pain, Jessica. I've had my ear pierced."