Marital Mischief Enthusiast Gifts

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'They have TWO trees!'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

"'Till death do you part?"

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"Honey, I'm home."

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'I've got to be honest with you, Henry...there's another bureaucrat.'

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"

"It says here in this magazine you’re an idiot."