Marital Mischief Fan Gifts

"God, Maria, when are you going to learn to cook!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'The coalition of the willing.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

Rudolph Red Light District

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

"There's something funny about those two."

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'They have TWO trees!'

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"It's beak-proof. That makes it perfect for the hen-pecked husband."

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

"Harry! You?"

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"Are there other visual cues you can give your husband when you don't agree with him?"

"Ok, George ... now you've ruined Christmas."

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

'Does my wife miss me? Last time home, five near misses before I got out through a closed window.'

Hey, wait a sec … Forget it! If you think I'm letting you off the hook for forgetting our anniversary, think again! Didn't you also accuse me of forgetting it just a couple of months ago? What date were we hitched? Don't change the subject.

Bride with a lasso.

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

'What's the problem with your wife and the obscene phone calls?'

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."

"I'm turning myself in-now can I claim the reward?"