Marital Mischief Fan Gifts

"God, Maria, when are you going to learn to cook!"

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'The coalition of the willing.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

'They have TWO trees!'

"There's something funny about those two."

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

Bride with a lasso.

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

'Does my wife miss me? Last time home, five near misses before I got out through a closed window.'

"Ok, George ... now you've ruined Christmas."

"It's beak-proof. That makes it perfect for the hen-pecked husband."

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"Harry! You?"

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

'What's the problem with your wife and the obscene phone calls?'

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."

"I'm turning myself in-now can I claim the reward?"

'There's one thing that keeps me from a serious commitment - my wife!'