Marital Mischief Gifts

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

I'm a slimeball, but you knew that before we got married!

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'They have TWO trees!'

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"May I assume you want separate checks?"

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

Bride with a lasso.

"Harry! You?"

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

"Watch this!"

"My marriage counselor recommended a long cooling-off period."

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

'There's too much Mahler in our marriage. We need some Mozart!'

'Nothing I do pleases my wife. I told her that I'm willing to discuss any subject - including our marriage - so long as the discourse remains superficial.'

'What do you mean we don't communicate? I sent you a tweet a week ago.'

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."