Marital Mischief Gifts

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

I'm a slimeball, but you knew that before we got married!

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

Bridegroom jumps in the hands of his bride after seeing a mouse

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

'They have TWO trees!'

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

'Admit it, Mabel - you've been keeping these non-iron shirts a secret in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

"May I assume you want separate checks?"

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

"Harry! You?"

Hey, wait a sec … Forget it! If you think I'm letting you off the hook for forgetting our anniversary, think again! Didn't you also accuse me of forgetting it just a couple of months ago? What date were we hitched? Don't change the subject.

Bride with a lasso.

"Watch this!"

"I now pronounce you man and wife... Would you be interested in purchasing a maintenance agreement?"

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"My marriage counselor recommended a long cooling-off period."

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

'There's too much Mahler in our marriage. We need some Mozart!'