Marriage Mystery Fan Gifts

'-and don't think I don't know about you and the milkman!'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'The coalition of the willing.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

The first Da Vinci Code. Dude, where there's a sock on the doorknob, it means I've got a model in here!

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"It's his favorite time of year."

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

'It's very nice to meet you, but I prefer to remain anonymous.'

"I think he must have had a death wish"

Toxic Relationship

'Oh sit down Harold, Alice doesn't want to hear our problems!'