Marriage Mockumentary Fan Gifts

'Ready for the next installment?' (at a marriage counselor).

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

'The coalition of the willing.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

"It's his favorite time of year."

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

Married people live longer

"Is everything ok robert? You seem to be a little distant recently."

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

'Oh sit down Harold, Alice doesn't want to hear our problems!'

'I don't really want to report my wife missing-just her voice will do.'

How you can tell when someone else buys your clothes.

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'