Marital Life Humor Fan Gifts

Mousetrap

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

His and Hers Wedding

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"No heroic measures."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'