Marital Life Humor Fan Gifts

Mousetrap

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

"Yes ... no!"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'I told you he had a temper.'

"No heroic measures."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'