Romantic Misadventurer Gifts

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

"It was supposed to be 'John loves Lisa.' "

"I know pain, Jessica. I've had my ear pierced."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

"They ran out of bouquets."

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"I admit I'm surprised, but it does explain why your online dating profile lists 'Royal Navy' as a pet peeve."

'Ugh...I hate phone solicitors.'

'Erica, you're a cutie and I really like you, but your way to do French kissing makes me nervous!'

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

'Well, I heard he was a player.'

'I can't let you catch me - you need the exercise more than you need sex!'

speed dating - "Hello, goodbye."

Hairy Eddie's big time guide to kissin' loads a chicks.

"Sure, I can tattoo her name there...man, you must really hate your ex-wife!"

Shepherd and eurydice

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

"NOW can I shoot you out of a cannon?"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"Wow, I just love the way you waddle!"

Asking out a palm reader.

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Advanced footsie

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"Over here, Carol! I've found one with a caramel center!"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'