Marital Adventures Gifts

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

"We started to communicate and found out we had nothing in common!"

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"Darling, let's forget all those things we said about each other on Sally, Oprah and Joan Rivers."

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

Rock Climber Wedding

"It's the unibrow, isn't it?"

'Wow! Your wife's lawyer was really good, wasn't he?'

Computamatch.

"We married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse."

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'

"My husband fell into the bear enclosure! I threw my phone down there. I think it bought him some time."

'So how was the Honeymoon?'

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

'You knew it was a jungle out there when you married me!'

"It was my worst nightmare. Then I realized I wasn't asleep!"