Marital Adventures Pillows

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

"We started to communicate and found out we had nothing in common!"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"Darling, let's forget all those things we said about each other on Sally, Oprah and Joan Rivers."

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

Rock Climber Wedding

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

Computamatch.

'Wow! Your wife's lawyer was really good, wasn't he?'

"It's the unibrow, isn't it?"

"We married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse."

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'

'You knew it was a jungle out there when you married me!'

"It was my worst nightmare. Then I realized I wasn't asleep!"

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

Mother-in-law comes to visit.

'So how was the Honeymoon?'

"My husband fell into the bear enclosure! I threw my phone down there. I think it bought him some time."