Marriage Adventures Pillows

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"Harry has been impossible these last few days!"

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

'Happy anniversary! It's a season pass for us to go to marriage counseling.'

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"There's no other woman! That's whale you smell!"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

A husband and wife who have fallen off of their bicycle

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

Rock Climber Wedding

'No, Irma, consummating out marriage doesn't mear hearing up your mother's chicken soup!'

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

'We are gathered here to join the couple in matrimony. Possible side effects include depression, migraine, chronic fatigue...'

'Wow! Your wife's lawyer was really good, wasn't he?'

Computamatch.

"We married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse."

'Didn't I tell you to hydrate before we left the house this morning?'

"It's the unibrow, isn't it?"

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'

"It was my worst nightmare. Then I realized I wasn't asleep!"

'You knew it was a jungle out there when you married me!'

Mother-in-law comes to visit.