Marriage Adventures Pillows

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"Harry has been impossible these last few days!"

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

'Happy anniversary! It's a season pass for us to go to marriage counseling.'

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

"There's no other woman! That's whale you smell!"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

Sure, I wanted Joe to 'settle down.' But I always assumed he'd eventually get back up!

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

'That's a coincidence -- your wife was in yesterday, saying you're out to get HER.'

A husband and wife who have fallen off of their bicycle

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

'No, Irma, consummating out marriage doesn't mear hearing up your mother's chicken soup!'

Rock Climber Wedding

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

'We are gathered here to join the couple in matrimony. Possible side effects include depression, migraine, chronic fatigue...'

"It's the unibrow, isn't it?"

"We married for better or worse. He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse."

'Didn't I tell you to hydrate before we left the house this morning?'

'Wow! Your wife's lawyer was really good, wasn't he?'

Computamatch.

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'

"It was my worst nightmare. Then I realized I wasn't asleep!"

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

'You knew it was a jungle out there when you married me!'

'So how was the Honeymoon?'