Married Life Adventurer Gifts

"Never ask a retired archaeologist to go find something in the basement."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

The perfect man

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Mate Mart

"She said don't forget the straw."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

Russian Dating.

"Monogamy works for me, but it doesn't work for Enid."

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

Mrs. Almighty.

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

Borrow the Bag?

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

"Anything to declare aside from ever-lasting love and devotion to each other?"

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'