Tv Show Host Gifts

'In the few minutes remaining, Dr. Nemo, could you briefly give us some idea what you've been talking about for the last hour?'

'You've been apart for years...'

"The Why I'm in Science Show"

'Contestants not appearing on stage were taken out and shot.'

'... And now, the sports gossip.'

"I hear they running out of real video and people are faking stuff."

"Tonight's show will be a really good one. We've replaced seven of our writers, and added five more."

The Bach stops here.

'Good heavens, Charles! -- You should never wear a Rush Limbaugh tie with a Johnny Carson suit!'

'Ahmadinejad strikes me as the kind of man Jay Leno makes jokes about...'

BBC man says 'I've found the perfect vehicle for Graham Norton' as taxi waits outside.

'No, the big rabbit Harvey isn't Paul Harvey -- at least I don't THINK he is.'

Sign reading: Barrell Scraper - Ideal for finding new TV cookery show ideas

"Hold on a minute, will you? I just want to see what color Charlie Rose's tie is tonight."

"Welcome to 'kitchen appliance swap', in which two families exchange toasters to see how the change affects their lives..."

'In order to boost ratings, 'Politics Tonight' will introduce a 'Stupid Pet Tricks' segment....'

"This week, we speak with some creative young entrepreneurs who have taken what used to be an accessible, smoothly functioning public service and revamped it into a cash cow of a privatized system."

And that's why I'm still single!

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

The Marie Kondo landfill

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Fishermen

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"