Television Hosts Gifts

"Accepting for..."

'Yes, you recognized his voice. Come in Donald, the donor of your left arm's brother.'

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Fishermen

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Stephen Fry

Local News in Heaven

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Next camera crew 5 mins

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Reporter #6: television.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'