Television Hosts Gifts

"Accepting for..."

'Yes, you recognized his voice. Come in Donald, the donor of your left arm's brother.'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Fishermen

"Sorry, that's not my table."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Reporter #6: television.

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."