Show Host Gifts

'Welcome to the new reality show, Who's the Real Life Whistle Blower?'

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Fishermen

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Senior Jeopardy!

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Jerry Springer of biblical times.