Tv Host Gifts

Audience given prompt to laugh: 'I don't think it's funny either - Now laugh!'

'He's a Jerry Springer Spaniel.'

'No! The bully in Tom Brown's Schooldays was called 'Flashman' not 'Paxman'.'

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

Rachel Maddow

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

'My mind's gone blank.'

"I'll have a vole, please Carol"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Now, in addition to our regular programming, let me tell you about tonight's specials."

Reality TV

Another reason why people who are married should never co-anchor the news.

'Before I leave, I'd like everyone to know I wear a toupee.'

Religious man watching religious TV

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'... And here's one I made earlier.'

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

"No more 'Hardball' - I'll talk!"

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"And now for a rebuttal."

"Haven't I seen you on 'Adam Smith's Money World'?"

"You won't find Miss Miriam Hirschman an easy nut to crack, Mr. Leno."

"Oh, I'm all business, but I find that a talk-show format works well for me."

"As I said earlier, Michelle, I won't answer questions about economic or foreign policy. I'm here to talk about my sexual escapades."

Who Wants To Be Regis?

"You're my agent, tell me - what do I have to do to be taken seriously as an animal-bloopers-show host?"

Joe Franklin

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"I just realized that everything he's been saying about the environment is right and everything I've been saying is wrong."

"Why do you suppose they call it the green room?"

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Adrian Chiles