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Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Canape?

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Horn of Leftovers

Fishermen

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

'So glad you could make it! Do come in...'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'd like to toast our guests."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"