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Jenny Jones

Tartine

Come dine with me!

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Canape?

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

Horn of Leftovers

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Fishermen

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

'So glad you could make it! Do come in...'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"I'd like to toast our guests."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'