Tv Aficionado Gifts

"He's an indoor cat."

'By the way, is this off the record?'

Satellite Santa

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Newpaper reads: Cable Out - 1000s forced to read.

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'Stupid woman - of course I watch television, what else are you supposed to do with it???'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

'Welcome to Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, the investment hindsight show.'

Conversation Pits

Deadly Radon

Enjoying the Great Outdoors.

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'I'm sorry Peggy, but at this point in time, I just don't feel like getting off the couch.'

'OK, you've got your problems. Now, you can keep them and walk away - or trade them with whoever's behind door number one, two or three.'

Better programming...

A movie director shouting through bullhorn.

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

'We couldn't pry the remote control out of his hand.'

Religious TV

"Bob, get out of the road! Don't just stand there like a human in front of a TV screen!

"Darling he said his first F-word."

'Sorry, we couldn't pry the remote from his fingers.'

'We interrupt this program with a loud commercial because we felt you weren't paying attention!'

'Those are the stories making news at this hour — Now, here are some stories nobody cares about....'

" I love this reading group."

"We interrupt this infomercial to bring you an advertorial"

"CNN will have 24-hour coverage of Hurricane Ivan."

"Now, in addition to our regular programming, let me tell you about tonight's specials."

"I'm not sure a desire to finish all your boxsets is justifiable."

'Tonight's top story...Your TV is too big...'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

"Little victories, son, little victories."

“Ha ha ha. I also love that TV show.”