Turkeys Gifts

Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Well, it was good to know you, Clyde."

The Rooster Comedian.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

'I hear there is a mighty big turkey in these woods.'

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

Today, a special retro segment of The Fad Herald. It's the Fad Herald. Off the hook! Hey jive turkeys, here's what's not cool: Fossil fuels, dependence on Mideast oil, long gas lines. Here's what's groovy: Solar power, alternative fuels, energy independence. Can you dig? The world is changing, baby! Instead of solar panels, I'm buying a sweet 8-track player. Next week, a look ahead to 2040. What's out: Waiting in long lines to fill up the spacecraft with gas.

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"You look ridiculous Ed. Why can't you just accept you're going bald and ditch the wig?"

"It's a destination wedding invitation. We have to cross the road."

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?"

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'I admire your can-cock-a-doodle-do attitude.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Never say you're stuffed!"

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"Mum, I've heard that Faberge eggs are very valuable. What kind of animal is a Faberge?"