Turkey Farming Gifts

"I survived this long by telling all the young toms that a farmer will bring an ax to cut the fence downed set free the first turkey he sees."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Chicken Farms - Pecking Order'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"Yeah, our garden is always a mess: We can't stop ourselves foraging for worms..."

"Never say you're stuffed!"

"Mum, what is a nugget?"

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Dr. Frankenstein makes the battery hen

"Hundreds of eggs a year, and I've never seen a vet. The Mare has one foal, and it's the Mayo Clinic."

Roscoe's Great Escape

'Let's go, Denmore. The free-range chickens are stampeding towards the canyon.'

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

"What's the occasion?"

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

Maternity ward on the farm.

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

"Don't fall for it! He's just trying to fatten you up for Thanksgiving!"

God perfects his turkey design.

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

"Eggs, eggs, eggs...that Delia Smith's ruining my life."

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'