Turkey Chef Gifts

"We got him through a grassroots recruitment scheme..."

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Turkey Autopsy

Keith Floyd.

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

Roscoe's Great Escape

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

'I wish John would stop using that gourmet pet food that makes gravy when you add water.'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!