Turkey Aficionado Gifts

Christmas escape plan

Turkeys run as pilgrims arrive.

'Can you take a little off the top, please?'

Stuffing? You do know where that's been, right, Bob?

'Are you the guy who ate my brother?'

"Seems like around November a lot of relatives don't make it to these."

CSI Thanksgiving.

Turkey regarding hand-shaped turkey: 'Hold it! I can spot a fake anywhere!'

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

'Relax! When I said I was going out to select a bird, I meant the Thanksgiving turkey.'

Thanksgiving cold

"All these years, I thought he smoked tobacco, but I just heard the farmer say he stopped smoking cold turkey!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

Plymouth Rock

"It'll never be ready in time."

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

Beauty and the Baste

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'How will my turkey turn out this year?' Color

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'