Turkey Fan Gifts

'It's perfectly natural to have anxiety attacks this time of year.'

"Don't laugh – it got my uncle out of the Army."

God perfects his turkey design.

Happy turkey day.

'Your lack of lips doesn't bother me. I'm more worried about your pecker...'

"Guys are way too proud of their wattle."

"This looks like stuffing."

"Jim and Helen always go south in November. Jim says it's for health reasons. Helen says it helps them keep their heads on straight."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

'I don't know how I could've forgotten my lines. I was all ears when they gave them to me.'

"Never say you're stuffed!"

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Squanto's less than famous older brother Squinto.

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'You broke your wishbone. I'd suggest making a wish.'

'Ouch! I'm glad I didn't lay him.'

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

Holiday Overkill.

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

Turkey Dinner and gravity

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'