Turkey Day Fan Gifts

"Why the silence?"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

'I don't know how I could've forgotten my lines. I was all ears when they gave them to me.'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Squanto's less than famous older brother Squinto.

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

Before and After Holiday Diet

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'You broke your wishbone. I'd suggest making a wish.'

Thanksgiving.

'How To Survive The Holidays'.

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

God perfects his turkey design.

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

Holiday Overkill.

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

Turkey Dinner and gravity

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

Christmas escape plan

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."