Turkey Specialist Gifts

"They've agreed to drop the charges, but only if you agree never to stuff the turkey again."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Roscoe's Great Escape

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

Turkey Dinner and gravity

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

Christmas escape plan

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'This is just a holiday tradition - It's nothing personal.'