Turkey Specialist Gifts

"They've agreed to drop the charges, but only if you agree never to stuff the turkey again."

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"Never say you're stuffed!"

'Haven't you ever heard of warmed up turkey?'

Roscoe's Great Escape

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

A Dog Is For Life Not Just For Christmas.

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

'Next year we'll bring the turkey.'

Turkey Farm Inc: 'And guess what you get for a Christmas bonus?'

"Hippity hoppity. Easter's on its way."

Turkey Dinner and gravity

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

Christmas escape plan

'This is just a holiday tradition - It's nothing personal.'

"Not a good sign. It's a box of pop-up thermometers."