Tortoise Collector Gifts

'I wish they'd do something about the homeless problem around here!'

Director/Action Man toy.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

Blind man walking a tortoise.

King Kongs first christmas

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"Yes sir, I'll admit I was sceptical about the whole 'mini-office' concept at first..."

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'Talk about stuck-up! -- he has Masterpiece Theatre action figures!'

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'Multiple personality.'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"I've downsized."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

Brexit Tortoise

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"You order the microbrew?"