Tortoise Enthusiasts Gifts

'My wife left me months ago...That's her over there.'

'This is my new carbon fibre shell: Ten times as strong, fifty times as light...'

'At least, we're marooned on a big island: It took me an hour to walk around it...'

Fat Kid 8- Sits on a tortiose

I'd join you, but this dratted self-timer only waits for ten seconds!

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Ike and Tina Turtle.

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

Here is our spot, I sink, Helga.

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'Face it, we're vegetarians because plants can't toddle away.'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"