Tortoise Aficionados Gifts

Policeman charges tortoise for impersonation.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

'Face it, we're vegetarians because plants can't toddle away.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Brexit Tortoise

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

'Multiple personality.'

"I've downsized."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Turtle nude painting.

"I tried life in the fast lane...got rear-ended."

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.