Tortoise Lovers Gifts

"125 is the new 100."

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

Turtle Trailer Court

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"All good Lucy, I've cleared the beach: you can safely go and lay your eggs now..."

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

Honestly, I don't know why I even bring Harold to parties.

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Brexit Tortoise

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

Funky Facts: Turtles.

"I've downsized."

'Look Mummy: I've put on my shell all by myself...'

'Multiple personality.'

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'