Tortoise Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Tortoise fire department.

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"Eat my dust!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'Yeah, the carrot helps, but coffee is what gets me going in the morning...'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"I've downsized."

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

Brexit Tortoise

'Multiple personality.'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

The cat's pyjamas - cat camouflage.

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'This is tasty and all, but do you really think this is a great idea considering we have hundreds of teeth?'

Old Tortoise

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

No caption. (A cowboy heads toward the swinging doors of a saloon as a cat goes toward a smaller version of the same entrance).

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'