Tortoise Enthusiast Gifts

'Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...'

Tortoises have football helmets and traffic cones for shells.

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

How Tortoises Bathe.

'Knock again, he might be out in back.'

Tortoise taking a bath in his shell.

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

"I came as soon as I heard."

"Willy here will be our guide, and according to him, this short walk should take about three months..."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"It's my personal best - 34 steps in one hour."

'If I live to be a thousand I'll never understand women.'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Bert was going to use all his investigative skills to find his beloved pet tortoise...!

'I warned you not to tease the tortoise.'

Pet Shop.

Restraining the tortoise

'How should I know how far it is to Yuma by way the crow flies! My way is about 40 years.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

Rex is suddenly regretting having offered to help the old lady cross the road...

"Hi, I want to invite you to a little party! In a short while my life insurance pays off...well, I see you in 94 years!"

Too sad that animals can't read.

"Dad, I'm taking a gap year. I'm going to visit the bottom of the garden."

Galápagos Cowboy

"I'm always home for Christmas."

Brain Tortoises

"Another year and you haven't slowed down a bit..."

Antiques Roadshow Here Today!

"Better slow up...there's a speed bump ahead."

"Galapagos tortoises live a long time, so, if you want my advice, getting married young is a bad idea..."

"Set it on 'slow'."

"He's from Egypt."

"Give the kid a break, Jonathan! Don't you remember what it was like being a 66-year-old?"