Tortoises Gifts

Bill and his pet tortoise

'Oooo! Oooo! There it goes again! That unbearable itch inside my shell!'

"Really? I didn't know you could house train them"

Goldiepaws: Are you going to come out and play?

Let's face it, it just wasn't for us

Tortoise

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"Another year and you haven't slowed down a bit..."

"Galapagos tortoises live a long time, so, if you want my advice, getting married young is a bad idea..."

Tortoise steals dogs bone.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'Multiple personality.'

Brexit Tortoise

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I've downsized."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"