Tortoise Keeper Gifts

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"Quick, jump in with Joey! There's a fire coming: I'll save you!

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Ours is not a creative clan."

Billy would watch his ant farm for hours on end.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 11.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

"I'm getting too old for this..."

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"We always have pizza for Easter dinner because that's what my mom gives up for Lent."

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

The Maryland School of Art's Class of 1998 Celebrating This Week's Commencement With The Traditional Thesis Painting Toss.

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'