Tortoise Adopter Gifts

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Could you guys play a slow number so my gal and I can dance?'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Brexit Tortoise

'Multiple personality.'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I've downsized."

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Old Tortoise

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."