Tortoise Caretaker Gifts

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Eat my dust!"

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'New Age Dog Park' Dogs commune with Nature.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Oh, Irwin, I wish to god you'd get rid of that thing!"

Brexit Tortoise

The Joshua Tree

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I've downsized."

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

Worm Appreciation Society!

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

Psychiatrist.

"Quick, jump in with Joey! There's a fire coming: I'll save you!

'He didn't buy us as pets, he bought us as pet-food: He has a snake!'

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'