Tortoise Caretaker Gifts

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

'New Age Dog Park' Dogs commune with Nature.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Oh, Irwin, I wish to god you'd get rid of that thing!"

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I've downsized."

The Joshua Tree

Brexit Tortoise

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Worm Appreciation Society!

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

Psychiatrist.

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"Quick, jump in with Joey! There's a fire coming: I'll save you!

Some people are in worse condition than this poor cactus.

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'