Tortoise Trainer Gifts

Motivating a Tortoise.

"Really? I didn't know you could house train them"

Heel, sir!

'On your mark...'

'Are you a football fan?'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Any questions?"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

Hanging off every word...

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

Targets.