Tortoise Collector T-Shirts

'I wish they'd do something about the homeless problem around here!'

Director/Action Man toy.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

King Kongs first christmas

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"Yes sir, I'll admit I was sceptical about the whole 'mini-office' concept at first..."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

'Talk about stuck-up! -- he has Masterpiece Theatre action figures!'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Multiple personality.'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"I've downsized."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

Brexit Tortoise

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...