Tortoise Appreciator T-Shirts

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"I've downsized."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Laboratory Retriever

"We haven't danced in ages."

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

A gorilla plays chess with his keeper.

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

Tortoises breakdancing

Say cheese!

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"His tests show he has a latex allergy."

'Multiple personality.'

Brexit Tortoise

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

David Attenborough

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'She's still trying to decide if she likes you or not.'

Rabbits picknick

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

'You got a search warrant?'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'