Tortoise Aficionado T-Shirts

"Don't preted to hibernate when I'm talking to you."

'Multiple personality.'

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Ike and Tina Turtle.

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'Face it, we're vegetarians because plants can't toddle away.'

Here is our spot, I sink, Helga.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I'm going to be a little late.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

Brexit Tortoise

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

Turtle Home

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Don't worry Darling, they're scientists'