Tortoise Tale Appreciator T-Shirts

You didn't hear it from me, but the other hares in the office think you're getting your work done too quickly.

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Brexit Tortoise

'Multiple personality.'

"I've downsized."

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

The truth about Vincent Van Gogh's ear...the fish were really biting, & he ran out of bait!'

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

Old Tortoise

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."