Twist Tale Appreciator T-Shirts

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

'Yeah, yeah, the ammo is included. ... OK, so remember - anyone asks? You've never seen me before in your life.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Tosca discovers Mario Cavaradossi is stabbed

'The vet did it.'

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

"Aye, Arthur were kitchen sink before all them young lads in the sixties."

"Ok this is where we're at, pig 1 house of straw approved! Pig 2, house of sticks, approved! Pig 3, house of bricks, um. . . denied."

'Lazy,'

"And she's bringing her TWIN!!"

You didn't hear it from me, but the other hares in the office think you're getting your work done too quickly.

'Of course the plot's ridiculous, it's Opera.'

The eyes of Mrs. Chick are opened to Lucretia Tox

"According to this, prince Charming is divorcing Cinderella. He says he was forced into the marriage by his father,and that he's always secretly loved one of her ugly sisters."

"Do you sell arsenic?"

"What powerful growth hormones your taking, Grandma"

"Finally a bit of good luck..."

Three pigs sit down to eat roast wolf

Gun shop owner dies from arrow in back.

'It's not rain!...It's KONG!'

'Give up smoking? Why?'

Under Noah's Ark

'I'm warning you! I've got a water ballon here and I know how to use it!'

Firing squad. Condemned man with blindfolded guide dog.

'Size matters on the Podium.'

Can't that dating service ever get it right?

"No. You can't sue each other for identity theft. . . You're identical twins!"

'They say he was a bit cracked anyway.'

"Racing just wasn't in my blood."