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"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

'Look Reg, a ship...we're saved!'

The circus diver.

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"You should've seen the triceratops that got away. It had to be this...um...this...uh...well, it was huge."

Men reading Tall Stories, and Short Stories in a Library

Subway Thrillers

"After several chapters of pushing a boulder up a hill over and over again, I think your average reader will watn to see something else happen, Mr. Sisyphus."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

"The true story"

We contend that the boy cried wolf too many times, leaving my client no choice but to eat him.

then, one day, when Robin's men were making merry, the deer struck.

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"This is your great-great-uncle Enchilmo Ladas. We called him 'Enchi' for short."

I've decided to become a mystery writer. "Dark clouds filled the horizon as two young lovers walked along the shore. As if sensing something was about to happen, seabirds cautiously circled around the couple. Suddenly and without warning, the young man reached inside his jacket and pulled out a large bag of pretzels and began to feed the birds." I'm very proud of that opening. The story has just started and it's already filled with twists and terns.

Litigious Bo Peep

You know I can't do the twist.

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

'Hey, sorry about that! Here, let me pick you one without a worm in it.'

'The vet did it.'

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

"Reverse two and a half somersaults with one and a half twists - WOW!"

Prince charming frog is actually a scientist

'I'm a butcher by trade.'

Santa the mugger.

"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll leave you to it."

'I really thought that a biker bar called the Snake Pit would be a biker bar....'

"Ok this is where we're at, pig 1 house of straw approved! Pig 2, house of sticks, approved! Pig 3, house of bricks, um. . . denied."

Ice Skater

Total Bull Frog

"It's Bo Beep again, she's completely lost it!"

"Spoiler alert!"

"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."